Monday in Birmingham, Part 2

Luci just about broke my heart one day earlier this month when she handed me her baby doll, told me to take care of her because "I'm going to Gaf-ghanistan and I can't take my baby because she might get hurt." Then she got on the couch (her airplane) and flew off into a war zone.

A week or so before that sad scene, I received a newsletter from the International Adoption Clinic in Birmingham asking parents to bring in their children from China adopted since January 2004, to check them out for melamine damage to the kidneys. So, I called for a two-fold appointment.

Here's how it went:

I spent quite a while talking to Leigh Anne about Luci missing her Daddy. She loved what we did with Luci's picture, and the talking Daddy-bear from Build a Bear Workshop. She had some additional good suggestions for helping Luci cope. Easy to do. And that play-acting, Luci's "flying to Gaf-ghanistan" is a good thing, she's processing her loss in a good way.

Leigh Anne also said that this "Daddy leaving" opened up that wound that is deep within her brain of being left by her birth mother (Luci knew her voice from being in the womb) and being left by the orphanage officials when we got her. She does not remember the first instance, but does remember the second, and it is no secret here what happened. In any event, her brain remembers and the wounds run deep. We look at photos, have a story we tell her that is some truth + some wishful thinking (because we don't really know, we never will, so let's think the best, okay?), to help her cope instead of having this be a mystery that haunts her.

Of course, sleeping habits and potty habits and binky habits all got brought up. Leigh Anne said pretty much to do what I have to do with these things, she will eventually sleep on her own, go to the potty instead of wearing pull-ups and won't use her binky in public forever. So don't go about changing everything while she's dealing with Daddy's absence. One big thing at a time. And don't let others' expectations of what they think a 4-year-old should be doing keep me from doing what is right for this precious little girl.

Luci has some super days where everything is goodness and light, and some very sad moments in other days where she misses her Daddy terribly. Leigh Anne said that this would be a difficult thing for the rest of her life, this concern about being abandoned. Luci will learn to deal with it, but it will be hard. Right now, talking to Luci about Daddy's absence is easier because she is in the "average" IQ category. If she were a higher-functioning child, or even a few years older, she would understand that what we say (Daddy will come home when his job is done) might not be true, because she would be able to understand that "things happen, and there are no guarantees."

Thank God for average.

There are other things I could share, but won't here.

Another part of the visit was figuring out kidney damage from the baby-milk. Even though Luci's literature from the Chinese authorities said she was on all kinds of "vegetable powder and meat powder" ?? I think she had only milk formula before we got her. She didn't even like the thicker formula with rice cereal added that we fixed for her (we heard all the babies liked that)--the thickness gagged her, only free-flowing liquid would go down. So I don't think she had anything but watered-down formula for the first 9 months. Certainly not enough formula, if it were full-strength, because she only weighed 15 pounds when we got to the USA.

So we prepared her for the ultrasound. Luci was thrilled that they really did put jelly on her belly and ran it around with a video game-controller (that's what it looked like to her!) but I didn't prepare her for "peeing in a cup." That was a new one to her, and most of it missed (ha ha, I know you are laughing at me). They also did a blood draw (I didn't know that would happen) but Luci did great. The girl who is afraid of almost everything said it didn't even hurt, and was amazed that her "blud is red." I'll let you know what they say about her kidneys, but I'm not expecting any problems.

I Was Wrong! ... and other stuff

Gasp! How often have I said that?!

Every time I have taken the kids to the doctor, I have pre-diagnosed them. I've gotten it wrong only once. Until today. Today makes twice. Luci's been so congested for the last month or so. It got much worse over the last three days. She spent last night crying and not sleeping. An ear infection or sinus infection for sure, right? Wrong! I was so glad to get it wrong. The nurses worked Luci in this afternoon. The doctor (who also has a Lucy at home) gave us a steroid nasal spray and right now Luci's taking a much-needed nap. He even got Luci to quit crying and smile, which was a miracle in itself. Any kind of medical person terrifies her.

Like the dentist. This morning I had a regular check-up, and had to take Luci. She sat in the visitor's chair in the exam room, with a blankie over her head the entire time. It made her invisible. I wish I had my camera! She's had two trips to a doctor's office in the same day. Horrible mama! After the pediatrician visit, we hit Wal-mart and got a Barbie. Perfect reward for surviving quite nicely two traumatic doctor visits.
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John's off on a three day camping trip with the boys, and my camera. They are in the Smoky Mountains near Gatlinburg. Two other guys are going, two of John's long-time friends. They go to the area around Cades Cove. He is under strict orders to bring back lots of pictures (the man usually takes 5 or 6 total for a 3 day trip!) and two boys completely intact (ask JT about a bike ride in the Smokys when he was 7 years old). My idea of camping is going to a hotel and eating in a restaurant. I don't understand the thrill of roughing it. Hikes would be nice, but not the whole tent thing. Watch him come home with the whole 1 gigabyte card filled up. As long as the boys don't have any boo-boos, that's okay with me.
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Pirate's Cove, the gas station that I reported for gouging before Hurricane Ike even hit shore, now has gas for $2.22. That is a whopping 3 dollars and 15 cents lower than it was in September! They now have the distinction of having the lowest gas in our part of the county. Next time I need gas, I'm going there.
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The leaves here are absolutely gorgeous! This is the best year for leaves that I can remember in all of the 18 autumns I've lived here. Really makes you feel wonderful just looking at them. Even with all the emotional stress of John's upcoming trip, I feel totally happy just looking at the incredible show of Nature.
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P.S. to the previous post: I don't care what my Dad says, or how much I like the man--SPIDERS ARE NOT OUR FRIENDS!!!

Eagle Eyes!

It's official. All three kids and I have "Eagle Eyes." The Eye Doc said so! Really, those were his words. All of us have better than 20/20. Even Luci, which surprised the doc since he said that between ages 3 and 5 the eye is still developing and usually does not see 20/20 until age 5. Woo-hoo! John, however, wears his glasses all the time and was not included in this "eagle eye" report. Luci is pretty scared of all things medical, even though we do everything just short of hypnosis to get her through. This was her first visit to the opthamalogist, a little late in coming since she's been home for three years already. We have seen no problems with her eyes, so we kept putting it off until she was a little bigger and could cope better. She did great yesterday and even let the lady put eye drops in her eyes--twice. She got some really cool glasses to wear home, too. This morning she told me she wants to be an eye doctor when she grows up.

The bald eagle photo came from here.