Hooked on the Internet--or, Webbed by the Web

Yesterday I was here at the table with the kids, teaching their lessons, looking on the internet on my "must go" sites that I visit every day. With my back to the window. Tropical Depression Fay was hitting us, according to my favorite weather site. The radar showed we were getting some serious rain. Really? Wow! So I turned around, looked out of the window, and by golly, they were right. DUH.

John's Computer Woes

Subject: Computer Hard and Software

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system>activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,A Troubled User.

______________________________________

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support.

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag, Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support

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author unknown

The Square Root of 2,304

That's how old I am today. Need more clues? When Bryan has his birthday in 12 days, I'll be 3 times older than him; when JT has his birthday in 11 days, I'll be 4 times older than him. I am now 16 times older than Luci. (Can you tell I was raised by an engineer/math teacher?)

John totally floored me with my birthday present. He's been working overtime and used that to get this--a laptop computer! Wow! I was totally shocked. I can use this at the table while the kids work on schoolwork (blogging and studying--they do go hand in hand, don't they?), and use it for looking up things we need to study online. So handy! Thank you, John!!

Computing, Reading, Cooking and Singing

After helping Bryan and JT learn how to use the computer and mouse, and finding it rather easy, I decided to not buy Luci any special play "lap-top" or discs with preschool learning games on them. Until I saw the Fisher Price Easy Link on clearance yesterday at Walmart. Retail price is $30, I got it for $17. And I love it! So does Luci.
It links you to websites specifically for the character that you click into the middle slot. This easy link pack had Disney characters in it, so it links you to the Disney play website. It will not let me click on anything else except the games from other Disney preschool favorites and color sheets that are available there--no danger of the child getting to another website. I've tried to click on the links that are shown, just to test it, but it has not allowed me to go anywhere else. Good! Also, you can turn off the print option and limit the time your child plays. Easy parental controls, easy to set up.

This one was just funny. Reading John's Bible commentary with her high heels on.
Wanting to "cook sumpin'." Luci's always dragging out the cooking utensils and pans to cook us something good. She's on her toes.

Song Writing

John thinks I have the makings of another Shania Twain hit, if I can just get the rest of the song together. It's all about being the mother of a 15 year old boy/man. Here's what I have so far:

~~~~~~~~~

You think you're so special...

Get over it.

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Come on, give me a break in the attitude department...it was a tough day!