Written by Cindy Adams
New York Post
Last updated: 4:53 amMarch 8, 2009
Posted: 4:29 amMarch 8, 2009
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I HAVE decided Washington needs my help. I at least know about paying taxes, which is more than our treasury secretary does.
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I mean, what did I miss? What happened? This country grows wheat. It produces food. Our cows are contented. How did we get broke?
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In the old days the American business plan always worked. A guy with creative math manufactured an item for $1. He sold it for $4. He'd say, "You think 3 percent is bad?" So what went wrong?
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Industry, thanks to our ever-increasing tax structure, is leaving the country. An American entrepreneur comes up with a new idea then a month later the Japanese reinvent it and the Chinese sell it to us cheaper. A businessman can't win anymore. He does something wrong, he's fined. Does something right, he's taxed.
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A few minutes ago the folks who ran AIG were so rich they had their gums capped. Come April 15 we'll now be able to list that place as a charitable deduction. It's become a nonprofit organization.
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Noah was probably the last smart financier. Who else could float a company when the whole world was in liquidation.
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And the whole time TV's know-it-alls, who are fighting with their bosses to earn more than minimum wage, are spouting stuff like: "Commodity fluctuations multiplied by inflationary pressures complicated by international imbalances intensified by political tensions are what's causing our financial instability." Hey, if they don't know, why don't they just say they don't know?
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Everyone's kaput and yet the president says we're on the right road and business is booming. Must be he has a better location.
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The recession's so bad even plumbers are now flying economy. When I started checking into it I was told all this talk about soaring prices of meat and milk and bread is pure propaganda. Sure. Circulated by people who eat. What it really means is your savings won't buy as much today as it did when you originally didn't have any. Or, to put it another way, after you get enough to buy something, it isn't enough. My nephew said to me: "I put some money together to buy my wife a mink. Wasn't what she wanted but I couldn't afford to get her a pot roast."
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A dressmaker I know complains that longtime customers aren't altering new clothes. Why? They aren't buying new clothes. They love her work but she's now not getting work. She didn't invest with Bernie Madoff and doesn't understand how come she suddenly has no money. And her husband asked the paymaster in his plant, "Where's my paycheck?" The cashier explained, "After deducting withholding, state tax, city tax, Social Security, retirement fund, unemployment, insurance, hospitalization, our dental plan and group life insurance, you actually owe us $14.95."
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So I asked this couple: "Are you saying you can no longer live within your income?" And they replied: "You kidding? It's all we can do to live within our credit."
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I met a cloak-and-suitor who was told that if he wanted to survive he had to give up wine, women and song. Told not by his doctor - by his accountant.
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Nobody can afford anything. No wonder Michelle Obama's dresses don't have sleeves.
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Our economy is not in a coma. Our legislators are. The stimulus package they need is in the brain or other unused parts. Handing $800 billion to one company, $765 trillion to another. And a buck and a quarter to each American. I mean, where's all this money headed? It can't all be going to our government officials!
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Everything's tied into this stimulus. Coffee's a stimulant. Booze is a stimulant. Drugs are a stimulant. What Washington's stimulating is rage. The subway fare's going up, the jobs are going down. With today's price of postage it costs more to mail this stimulus than the person gets. Congress should announce: "We are now spending $3 to let you know you'll be receiving $2." And I figured out why it's so expensive to send out that letter. The postage is only 42 cents but it's $4 for storage. In terms of mail delivery, if not for ESP none of us would ever hear from anybody.
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But back to our economy. As I think about it, you can't trust bankers in any case. They can't count. If they could, they wouldn't always have eight teller windows and two tellers.
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I understand the economy is grim. Remember Alan Greenspan? The man hasn't smiled since his bar mitzvah and as near as I can figure that's about when we had The Great Crash.
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And the problem is global although other countries have their own particular problems. Like take Cuba - please! The island's in the Caribbean, the government's in Moscow and the people are in Miami. And the Middle East? Hezbollah officials just released a cable that went to Ahmadinejad saying, "Keep up the good work. You're my kind of guy. Signed, 'Khadafy.' "
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Who I really feel sorry for are the muggers. So few people have cash these days.
It is a wonder, a car seat that will fit your child forever and turns itself into a stroller so you don't have to wake Precious up when you get where you're going. The Sit 'n Stroll car seat system, retailing for $249.95! I can see that this would be oh-so-handy if you fly and have to lug the car seat and kid-who-can't-walk-yet through airports (been there, done that, don't want to do it again).
