Luci just about broke my heart one day earlier this month when she handed me her baby doll, told me to take care of her because "I'm going to Gaf-ghanistan and I can't take my baby because she might get hurt." Then she got on the couch (her airplane) and flew off into a war zone.
A week or so before that sad scene, I received a newsletter from the International Adoption Clinic in Birmingham asking parents to bring in their children from China adopted since January 2004, to check them out for melamine damage to the kidneys. So, I called for a two-fold appointment.
Here's how it went:
I spent quite a while talking to Leigh Anne about Luci missing her Daddy. She loved what we did with Luci's picture, and the talking Daddy-bear from Build a Bear Workshop. She had some additional good suggestions for helping Luci cope. Easy to do. And that play-acting, Luci's "flying to Gaf-ghanistan" is a good thing, she's processing her loss in a good way.
Leigh Anne also said that this "Daddy leaving" opened up that wound that is deep within her brain of being left by her birth mother (Luci knew her voice from being in the womb) and being left by the orphanage officials when we got her. She does not remember the first instance, but does remember the second, and it is no secret here what happened. In any event, her brain remembers and the wounds run deep. We look at photos, have a story we tell her that is some truth + some wishful thinking (because we don't really know, we never will, so let's think the best, okay?), to help her cope instead of having this be a mystery that haunts her.
Of course, sleeping habits and potty habits and binky habits all got brought up. Leigh Anne said pretty much to do what I have to do with these things, she will eventually sleep on her own, go to the potty instead of wearing pull-ups and won't use her binky in public forever. So don't go about changing everything while she's dealing with Daddy's absence. One big thing at a time. And don't let others' expectations of what they think a 4-year-old should be doing keep me from doing what is right for this precious little girl.
Luci has some super days where everything is goodness and light, and some very sad moments in other days where she misses her Daddy terribly. Leigh Anne said that this would be a difficult thing for the rest of her life, this concern about being abandoned. Luci will learn to deal with it, but it will be hard. Right now, talking to Luci about Daddy's absence is easier because she is in the "average" IQ category. If she were a higher-functioning child, or even a few years older, she would understand that what we say (Daddy will come home when his job is done) might not be true, because she would be able to understand that "things happen, and there are no guarantees."
Thank God for average.
There are other things I could share, but won't here.
Another part of the visit was figuring out kidney damage from the baby-milk. Even though Luci's literature from the Chinese authorities said she was on all kinds of "vegetable powder and meat powder" ?? I think she had only milk formula before we got her. She didn't even like the thicker formula with rice cereal added that we fixed for her (we heard all the babies liked that)--the thickness gagged her, only free-flowing liquid would go down. So I don't think she had anything but watered-down formula for the first 9 months. Certainly not enough formula, if it were full-strength, because she only weighed 15 pounds when we got to the USA.
So we prepared her for the ultrasound. Luci was thrilled that they really did put jelly on her belly and ran it around with a video game-controller (that's what it looked like to her!) but I didn't prepare her for "peeing in a cup." That was a new one to her, and most of it missed (ha ha, I know you are laughing at me). They also did a blood draw (I didn't know that would happen) but Luci did great. The girl who is afraid of almost everything said it didn't even hurt, and was amazed that her "blud is red." I'll let you know what they say about her kidneys, but I'm not expecting any problems.
3 comments:
Thanks for sharing. Hopefully things will get better soon.
hi! glad to hear everything is working out, i so loved the picture of your husband with the cut out of luci, it put a smile on my face. i also had ashley tested, she is fine, i think her formula was watered down too, because she was also 18 pounds, and oncei got her she did not want formula anymore so i put her on whole milk over there. and she was not on the bottle eihter so that was a hgreat help. ashley is not a big milk drinker. but a great eater and sleeper.
I'm trying to process if I want to even pursue the melamine thing, 100% of all the kids who have been tested from Katie's orphanage have been fine. Of course WE fed Katie some of the formula that was in the recall (well the brand, don't know for certain on the rest). Katie, at 16 months was 18.5 pounds, but ate congee very well and the orphanage told us what they fed her for formula and made it for us once (boiled milk, egg yolk, and sugar). So, I really doubt she has any issues, and she's TERRIFIED of the adoption clinic because of horrendous blood draws from there previously.
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