Sleep Issues; Adoption Stories

In the last week, Luci decided that she does not want to cuddle in my lap anymore to go to sleep. I sorta thought this would be sad news for me, but it isn't. She's 3 years and (almost) 4 months and she's been cudding with me since August 2005. Quite a long time. I am ready to let her sleep on her own. Well, not quite on her own--she wants me beside her. When she falls asleep, I sneak away to my bed. Her mattress is still on the floor next to my side of the bed. So, I guess we need to get the old bed out of the Man Cave and clean it up, paint it, and put in her room. It won't be long before she is sleeping all on her own, in her own room. (I hope. So does John.)

Trying to sleep??

Buffi, mom to Sadie from China (and two other adorable bio kids), asked me just how much of Luci's story have we told her? and how much should we ask the children about their past? and is it better to talk about the past or not? and is it traumatizing to them?

Here are my answers, based on my observation of Luci:

• It all depends on the child. I dont think that's a cop-out.



• Since she was in our arms, we used the A word (we are so glad we got to adopt you!). I finally came up with a fairy tale to tell Luci about her adoption--in a later post-- (recommended to us by International Adoption Clinic) and as she gets older, tell it with more detail. This may be where she gets some of her "locked up" story--maybe it is just fabrication, meaning she was not able to get free until her mommy and daddy got her? The book Shaoey and Dot tells Luci's story. That is a really good introduction for those whose children were abandoned as babies. It's on amazon.com. There are several really good titles on adopting from China.



• Only recently have I asked Luci anything specific. Usually, when we watch a DVD or show about China, I'll ask her something non-specific, such as, "Is that like your China?" and (since we watch only positive things about China) she'll almost always say, "Yes."



• I think it is better to talk about the past. It takes the sting and mystery out of it. It is just a topic after a while, and not so emotionally charged. At first, you can use general terms, and that makes it easy on you and the child. Then you can go into more detail. It is a natural progression. Sort of like those sex-talk minefields--you take it as it comes, and plow through when you need to, taking cues from the child. (If you haven't gotten to that sex-talk point in your kids' lives yet, haha! It is so much fun, she said sarcastically.)



• And if it is traumatizing to them, by all means call a therapist who knows adoption. Kent Brand is in Florence. He used to be the director of Hope for Children, our adoption agency. We love him. Also, International Adoption Clinic in Birmingham has so many resources and takes insurance.

We sent Luci's orphanage a disposable camera before we got her. We asked them to please take photos and return it on Gotcha Day. We had those developed (at Super Walmart in Guiyang, China! A whole 'nother story!). When we got home, Luci got very upset seeing those photos. Then, a year later, no problem looking at them. I need to pull them out again and see how she reacts.

We looked at our Gotcha Day video over the holidays--this was the first time we'd seen it since 2005. Luci was delighted at the baby on the video. No trauma. Every child is so different--here in town we know of several adoptees who have had a terrible time adjusting. Buffi, I would guess just play it by ear.